Thursday, June 01, 2006
My brother is downloading porn
Fuck, man. He's only 13. Ok, 13 and a half. When the fuck did this happen? I used his computer last night (mine is fucked up), and I saw that 3 or 4 files on eMule were porn. I looked at his search terms, and it was on purpose. Unless there are songs that have the word "Lesbian" in them...
But that's not what I want to write. I just got back home from a night (actually, an evening) with a good friend of mine. We went to a nice bar for their happy hour. I'm still drunk, and it's been 2 and a half hours since we finished drinking. And I was the one driving. Funny side note - we stopped somewhere to walk and talk, and when we got back to the car, the first thing we heard on the radio was a "Don't drink and drive" commercial.
Anyway, my friend has a girlfriend. Since it was really early, the waitress had no other customers, she sat and talked to us quite a bit. Anyway, there was a sort of a spark between her and my friend. I don't mind that the guy with the girlfriend "got" the girl, as much as the fact that I have no fucking idea what I'm doing wrong.
I know that I'm doing something wrong. I'm pretty sure that the girls who served in my unit think of me as some sort of a-sexual person. I was "one of the girls", and acknowledged it. It sucks. How can I fix something if I don't know how to? My friend is the closest thing I have to a "ladies' man", but I don't know that many people. Even he says that he's not a good example for me, because he doesn't know enough to help me.
I'm drunk. I'm tired. I'm lonely. I'm sweating like a fucking pig. I should sleep. But it's only 11:30. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my fucking time. I'm 26 and a half. I have done nothing with my life. Nothing. I have no fucking idea what I'm going to do next. There's really no use thinking about all the plans I had, because nothing that I plan comes out like it was planned. Hell, I'm lucky if it happens at all. One of my roommates told me that it's because I'm too pessimistic, and that if I accepted everything that came my way shit will work itself out. I want to be like that, but I can't. I don't know why. I think I'm too scared.
Speaking of scared, sometimes I fucking disgust myself. When I was on the train on Sunday back to the university there was a girl nearby that listened to music loud enough so that I could hear what she was listening to. I wanted to go to her and say "Hey, I overheard the songs that you listened to, and I think you've got a great taste in music." Obviously, I chickened out. How the fuck can I get anywhere if I don't ask it? If I don't push myself? How is it that I'm smart enough to know that this sort of behaviour is stupid, yet stupid enough not to act on what I know?
I think I'm repeating myself. I should go to sleep. I hate sounding so fucking emo.
But that's not what I want to write. I just got back home from a night (actually, an evening) with a good friend of mine. We went to a nice bar for their happy hour. I'm still drunk, and it's been 2 and a half hours since we finished drinking. And I was the one driving. Funny side note - we stopped somewhere to walk and talk, and when we got back to the car, the first thing we heard on the radio was a "Don't drink and drive" commercial.
Anyway, my friend has a girlfriend. Since it was really early, the waitress had no other customers, she sat and talked to us quite a bit. Anyway, there was a sort of a spark between her and my friend. I don't mind that the guy with the girlfriend "got" the girl, as much as the fact that I have no fucking idea what I'm doing wrong.
I know that I'm doing something wrong. I'm pretty sure that the girls who served in my unit think of me as some sort of a-sexual person. I was "one of the girls", and acknowledged it. It sucks. How can I fix something if I don't know how to? My friend is the closest thing I have to a "ladies' man", but I don't know that many people. Even he says that he's not a good example for me, because he doesn't know enough to help me.
I'm drunk. I'm tired. I'm lonely. I'm sweating like a fucking pig. I should sleep. But it's only 11:30. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my fucking time. I'm 26 and a half. I have done nothing with my life. Nothing. I have no fucking idea what I'm going to do next. There's really no use thinking about all the plans I had, because nothing that I plan comes out like it was planned. Hell, I'm lucky if it happens at all. One of my roommates told me that it's because I'm too pessimistic, and that if I accepted everything that came my way shit will work itself out. I want to be like that, but I can't. I don't know why. I think I'm too scared.
Speaking of scared, sometimes I fucking disgust myself. When I was on the train on Sunday back to the university there was a girl nearby that listened to music loud enough so that I could hear what she was listening to. I wanted to go to her and say "Hey, I overheard the songs that you listened to, and I think you've got a great taste in music." Obviously, I chickened out. How the fuck can I get anywhere if I don't ask it? If I don't push myself? How is it that I'm smart enough to know that this sort of behaviour is stupid, yet stupid enough not to act on what I know?
I think I'm repeating myself. I should go to sleep. I hate sounding so fucking emo.
