Strangely Unaffected

I have so much I need to do, and time isn't on my side. I have papers to start and finish, one of which is with two other people that I was supposed to call days ago. I have to find a job. I need to clear everything out of my dorms room. I need to do some community work because of a scholarship I got. I need to go to the dentist.

I have no strength left. I feel like an insect in the path of a hurricane, like a man in front of a tsunami. I can't deal with all of this. This is too much for me. I can't think of a single thing in my life that can give me the strength to deal with all of this.

I need a release from all of this. I need something that'll help me. I need a goddamn miracle. Where's Deus Ex Machina when you need one? Where's the fucking god now? I have people around me, but I'm all alone. Nobody can help me do those things, only me. And I don't want to. I lost my will to do anything. I just want these things to go away. I don't care how. I need a time machine. I need to go back and do things right. I hate this fucking situation.

I can't talk to anyone. Nobody really understands how things are going for me. Either the people already finished the university, or they haven't started. I have no focus. I don't know what I'm going to do a month from now. Even though every single thing I ever planned went wrong on some level, I still need a plan. I need a path to follow. All this supposed freedom is making me go around in circles. In order to do A I need for B to stop affecting me; in order to do B I need C to stop affecting me; in order to do C, I need for A to stop affecting me. Only I've got from A to G, and that's assuming you count all papers as one thing.

I've come a complete fucking circle. I am overwhelmed and can't feel a goddamn thing. Isn't that fucking great?