Sunday, September 03, 2006
Alone in a crowd
The only thing worse than being alone, is being alone while being surrounded by people. If you have no one around you to talk to, it's depressing. If you have people to talk to, but none of them can really understand what you're going through, that's terrible. You start to think "what good all of these people are if they can't help me when I need them the most?"
I'm in one of those moods again. I need to talk to someone. I'm going through the phonebook on my cell phone, and so far nothing. I have names there that I should just delete. I have people there from the military, and yesterday was four years since I was discharged. Some of those people I haven't seen even longer than four years. I came across the phone number in my dorm room. I almost deleted it, but just couldn't. I don't think I want to remove this link to someplace else. I liked my dorms, despite everything. It was my place. It was my sanctuary. Removing this link to something that was so good to me is a bad idea. Especially now. I need to feel safe, secure, protected. I need someone to hold me and say "it'll all be all right, you'll see." But I have nobody like that. My parents can't understand what I'm going through. Neither can my grandmothers. My two best friends haven't dealt with things like that. My other friends simply won't get it.
The number directly after the dorms room is a psychologist I went to years ago. A part of me wants to visit him again, to have a neutral party listen to me. The other part remembers that he didn't help that much back then.
"Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again"
- Simon & Garfunkel, The Sound of Silence
I'm in one of those moods again. I need to talk to someone. I'm going through the phonebook on my cell phone, and so far nothing. I have names there that I should just delete. I have people there from the military, and yesterday was four years since I was discharged. Some of those people I haven't seen even longer than four years. I came across the phone number in my dorm room. I almost deleted it, but just couldn't. I don't think I want to remove this link to someplace else. I liked my dorms, despite everything. It was my place. It was my sanctuary. Removing this link to something that was so good to me is a bad idea. Especially now. I need to feel safe, secure, protected. I need someone to hold me and say "it'll all be all right, you'll see." But I have nobody like that. My parents can't understand what I'm going through. Neither can my grandmothers. My two best friends haven't dealt with things like that. My other friends simply won't get it.
The number directly after the dorms room is a psychologist I went to years ago. A part of me wants to visit him again, to have a neutral party listen to me. The other part remembers that he didn't help that much back then.
"Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again"
- Simon & Garfunkel, The Sound of Silence
